Bangkok, Boats, and Buddhas

I've been having far too much fun in Thailand and its been awhile since I've had a chance to write anything. Laura and I fell in love with Bangkok, such a cool city. There are sky high shopping malls mixed in with temples and giant buddhas, and delicious food stands on every corner. Its quickly become my home away from home as its the perfect travel hub for all of SEA. We spent way too much money, ate way too much pad thai, and maybe drank a little too much but we had a damn good time doing it.

Oh Bangkok, where to begin? The food. The food! What an improvement from the Philippines, the food in Thailand is unreal. Everything is delicious, there are tons of vegetarian options, and you can easily get an entire meal for $1. The shopping is unavoidable. Clothing, jewlery, home decor, electronics, beauty treatments, you name it, we bought it. You can literally buy anything in Thailand. I had to leave an entire backpack behind while we travel the islands and I plan to stuff it full before I mail it home next month. Laura and I both agreed we could have spent the entire month in Bangkok but our bank accounts would have dwindled quickly. 

We booked tickets on an overnight sleeper train headed south where we would hop on a bus and then a ferry to get to our first tropical destination: Koh Tao. Again, my naivety has me thinking that this overnight train is going to be like the Hogwarts Express with our own private room, beds, and food carts periodically going through the aisles. Laura is excitedly telling me that she LOVES traveling by train. Me too! I took the Eurorail all over Italy and it was wonderful. Let me tell you that it was NOT like anything we were expecting. When we first got on the train we exchanged confused glances and proceeded to ask every worker we saw if we were on the correct train. Excuse me sir, there must be some confusion, we purchased tickets for the sleeper car? After being assured many times we finally accepted that we were on the right train and took our seats on the urine scented car. It turns out the two leather seats we were in slid together to make one bed and the metal cage above us folded down into a top bunk. We decided to sleep together on the bottom "bed" and used the top one to store our luggage. I refused to drink anything because there wasn't a chance I was going to use that bathroom again and by the time we reached our destination 10 hours later my mouth was so dry I could barely talk. I wish I could say that chapter ends with us getting off the train but it has only begun. We got to the deserted train station at 3am and waited until 6 for our bus. The bus was a quick 30 minutes to the pier and I slept the whole time. And then was what I can confidently say was one of the worst experiences of my life- the ferry ride. Its high season in Thailand right now and everyone is spending the holidays on the islands so the ferries are at full capacity. The weather last week wasn't ideal and made for some choppy seas in the gulf. Why they didn't warn us or cancel the ride all together is beyond me. Two hours on a catamaran rocking so violently side to side that the only thing you could see out the windows was the wave washing over it. Women shrieking as if they are on a roller coaster. Nauseous passengers vomiting into plastic bags every couple of feet. And me with my eyes closed tightly, hands gripping the seat in front of me, breathing deeply and picturing myself meditating on a calm beach with the horizon in front of me. It was horrific. How I managed to hold it together and not puke is a miracle. There were moments when I was questioning whether or not we would even make it to the island. I think I almost cried when the boat finally pulled into a harbor and the announcer said the name of a different island. I thought we were the first stop!! How long to Koh Tao?!?! Thankfully only 5 minutes away or I would have found myself vacationing on this other island I'd never heard of.

Aside from the terrible transportation experience, life in Thailand has been great. We've been on Koh Tao for 4 days now and just completed our Open Water scuba diving certification! The weather is beautiful and we plan to spend the next few days relaxing on the beach, hiking, doing yoga, and exploring the island. Time to lay low and enjoy the holidays :)

My First Thai Massage

Upon landing in Bangkok, I had 2 things I needed to do; eat pad Thai, and get a Thai massage. Following the recommendation of the hostel workers, I headed to Tony's Massage around the corner. For 100 baht I could get a one hour traditional Thai massage. That's roughly 3 USD, how could I possibly go wrong? I'll tell you how.

I proceeded to follow the Thai man upstairs to a small rectangular room consisting of 5 mattresses on the floor, 4 of them occupied and 1 behind a curtain that would become my torture chamber. The experience started off with a typical calf and thigh massage, my knots being kneaded out by the strength of this small Asian man. I typically never speak up during a massage when the pressure is too strong, always telling myself that the pain will be worthwhile in the end. But when I opened my eyes to see this man's elbow angrily digging into my thigh, I somehow found my voice. "Ouch, too hard" I said. To which my assailant flashed a sadistic grin and continued his attack. This was only the beginning. 

There came a point, when my foot was tucked behind my ear that I wondered if maybe, in the dim lighting of the room, this man had mistaken my 5'1" frame for that of an Asian. Surely he knows most westerners can not bend that way. Thank god for years of yoga or I may have seriously injured myself. When it was finally time to flip onto my stomach I was relieved, the shoulders are always my favorite part of a massage. Fast forward 5 minutes to a knee in my rib cage and thumbs pressing into my skull with the strength of an elephant. It was at this point that I began to fear for my life. Surely that much pressure on my neck and spinal chord can't be good. "Just breathe, you'll be okay, you will make it out of this alive" I told myself. And then the pressure increased. I was convinced my eyes were going to pop out of my skull and I wondered who it would be that would eventually find me here. Would I suffocate or would my head burst under the pressure of these inhumane Thai hands? I didn't want to find out the answer to that question.

After enduring 20 minutes of pain in my neck and shoulders, my torturer instructed me to sit up. I had just started to accept defeat, accept that I would walk out of this place with my lifeless arms dangling from the sockets, my knees shaking and buckling beneath me, when I heard it: a blood curdling scream coming from the woman two beds away from me. "I'm not alone" I thought, "she too is being tortured". I tried to communicate to the other victim telepathically, "I feel your pain, they are doing it to me too. Stay strong, we'll make it". The realization that I was not the only victim in the situation gave me the strength I needed to push through. I began to wonder if this establishment had ever been investigated, there's no way this is humane. And then I remembered that the staff at the hostel had actually recommended it. What kind of masochists am I staying with? 

One last karate chop to the back of my neck and the torture was finally over. I quickly threw my clothes back on, tossed the money on the counter and pushed my way to the sidewalk. I had made it out alive but a part of me would never be the same. My body had been contorted in ways I never thought possible. My brain, still trying to process what I had just endured, could not remember how to get back to the hostel. After a few wrong turns I made my way in a circle, back to the scene of the crime and managed to stumble my way home. 

"What have I done to deserve this?" A question that repeated itself in my mind throughout the "massage" remains to be unanswered. You've won this round Bangkok, but I'll be back.

*note: this story has been dramatized for comedic effect. I'll probably get another massage tomorrow.